Lost in feeling
by PhantasienFreiheit
Summary: I wanted, needed, desired, and craved – dear GOD, I craved, to be his soul mate. I wanted his soul to be mine, and in return, I would give him my power, my body, my memories, my name, my past, my present, my future. My Everything. ScarxLust.
1. Chapter 1

**I am in love with the character Lust. She is lovely, strong and intelligent, and she is a character that everyone misunderstands. I truly believe that Scar and Lust are MADE for eachother, and if you disagree, then that's fine. I don't care.**

**DISCLAIMER ; If I owned FMA, then I would have Scar and Lust together 'cause they are so lovely together.**

**Read on.**

Lust POV

I hated how he spoke of _her._ How he looked at me with those anguished, sad, angry, rage-filled beautiful red eyes. I hated how he said that he hated me. How he told me that I could never be _her. _That, even if we pretended – If _I _pretended to be her, it would never be real. It would all be fake, false, and painful.

I hated that all of that was true.

I looked at myself in the mirror, and I vaguely remembered myself, or in correction, my _old _self. Instead of smooth brown skin that had warm blood pulsing through my old veins, I had pale white skin that was cold as ice with undead blood running through my smaller, and tighter veins. I once had lovely crimson eyes that were filled with warmth, and now I had colder, crueler, and more striking violet eyes.

There was not much of a difference, if you looked at a photo of what I once was, and what I am now. But to me, it was everything.

I brought my hand up to my face, watching as my reflection mimicked my actions. There was no imperfections here. No oily skin, no sweat, no unwanted hairs, no blemishes. I am everything that a man desires. From my narrow waist to my well-endowed hips. My delicate shoulders to my large, soft breasts. My long legs and slender arms to my willowy fingers.

_'Don't be fooled, you pathetic humans,'_ I thought mirthlessly to myself. _'These delicate fingers can cut you up like a hot knife through butter.' _

And how was it that I, the most beautiful and desirous being on earth, cannot sway _his _will? How is it that I cannot keep him, have him, and love him? I could easily sway my hips and men, and women, would fall to my will, they would die for me, kill for me, and love me easily.

But it wasn't their love I wanted. It wasn't their flimsy touch I desired. It wasn't their lips I needed. It wasn't their soul I craved.

But it was all him. I wanted his love like a drug – no, not a drug, but as my life. He made my artificial heart beat so hard, so fast that it almost seemed real.

It was his touch, his rough, calloused hands that I wanted. I wanted his hands to run across my arms, my breasts, my back, my legs. I wanted _his _touch, and no one else's.

I needed his lips against my own, his chapped lips against my soft ones. I wanted his rough, muscled body against my softer, rounder, curvier body. I wanted to be his silk to his steely body. I wanted to be the woman that would stand next to him, unwavering and strong.

I wanted, needed, desired, and craved – dear GOD, I craved, to be his soul mate. I wanted his soul to be mine, and in return, I would give him my power, my body, my memories, my name, my past, my present, my future. My Everything.

I looked away from my reflection, disgusted with myself. My body, my perfection.

I hated how he flinched at my voice. I hated how such sadness came from his eyes and his body whenever he saw me.

I also hated that I needed him. I hated that I was the pathetic moth and he was the mesmerizing flame. I hated that I enjoyed seeing him.

I closed my eyes, and his face flickered behind them. His trademark scowl, his glare, his furious red eyes that I had come to dream about. I wanted to kiss his scowl away and make him smile at me the same way that a man smiles at the love of his life. I want to smooth out his glare and watch as his furious red eyes become softer and gentle.

I want him to love me.

I sat down, suddenly tired. Running a hand through my soft curly hair, I wondered what it would be like to run my hands through his hair. To touch his skin, to kiss his body, to make love to that stronger body and feel it beneath my fingers. It wasn't as if this though hadn't occurred before. I dreamed about loving him, and fucking him. Having him above me and below me, worshipping me and loving me.

I sighed, staring outside into the dark skies that held bright stars, and I vaguely remembered that Ishbal once had nights like these. Dark, unending night skies with millions of bright stars. I remembered how the man I once loved would hold me and make love to me under the stars, whispering promises of eternal love and happiness. I laughed darkly at those memories. How little he knew of the eternity that I was cursed with. How little he knew about the agony I felt whenever I saw his wonderful little brother. How little did he know that I was madly in love with him.

I looked away from the sky, almost as if I was ashamed. I knew that I was being stupid, childish and immature. I wanted what I couldn't have, what I shouldn't have. But how could I resist such temptation?

Is this how Eve felt when the devil tempted her with the apple? Was she blinded by the colour of the fruit, the texture? And how did Adam feel when his wife, his lover, had damned herself with the knowledge of good and evil? Was he mad, disgusted, worried, sad? Did he hate her? Did he still love her?

_'Does he really hate me, or does he love me?'_ I thought to myself, looking through my dark room, and in my minds eye, I remembered his answer. The answer that I came to hate and despise because it was so true.

"_Not you...but her."_

I snorted, crossing my arms beneath my large breasts. I had the perfect body and he had never succumbed to me. Ever. What could he want that I didn't have?

I knew what I looked like with my black-emerald dress on, and without it. I knew how tempting my bodice was, how alluring my voice was...

And yet, he was blind to my body, deaf to my voice, and ignorant of my feelings.

Feelings...

That made me feel a surge of anger. My master said that I can only feel Lust. Only constant sexual desire and want. But how was it that I felt angry and betrayed at my 'master' for her constant lies, and disgusted with my fellow siblings? How was it that I felt both envious and understanding towards my elder brother, Greed? How did he overcome his fear of our master and betray her? What was freedom like? What was it like without her rule, and the constant fear that I felt whenever I saw her?

How was it that I felt such happiness, joy and absolute euphoria whenever I saw him? How is it that I want to comfort him when he is sad? How is that? I am a homunculus, a fake, a phony, a false human. I have no real feelings, no soul, no spirit, no real conscious.

My very being is a sin, a dark being that is a disgrace to all creations by God. By Ishbala. Every breath I take, every move I make, every time my artificial heart beats, I mock the very center of my universe. I cause him pain because I look like _her, _sound like _her, _walk like _her._

And yet...there was only one time he opened his heart to me. And in that moment, I was ready to give up my broken, shattered soul to him, and possibly everything else. I watched as he cried tears that broke my heart. I watched as he told me his true feelings.

I watched as he looked at me, and not through me, and in his eyes there was something that was not hate, or disgust.

It was love.

It was just a brief flicker, barely noticeable – but I've seen it. It made my heart soar and made me feel like all my nerves were a live wire.

Also, he wasn't seeing me as a copy-cat of _her. _He looked at me. My broken self. My sinful being and cruel ways. He loved _me_.

I smiled in my room, all by my lonesome. It wasn't a cruel smile that always made it's way on my face as I killed my pathetic prey. It was one of love. I touched my lips as the smile stayed there. It was incredibly pleasant, and strange. My face wasn't used to it, using unused lines around my eyes and the corners of my lips.

And in his last moments that he spoke to me, before he left the smaller house, before he went to his death, his sacrifice, he spoke to me.

"_I'll be waiting." _

I stood up, hearing the steps of the Full-metal boy. One metal, and one of flesh. I sighed, and briefly looked back in my mirror. My hair, my body, my face, it was all the same...And yet, there was a difference there. Something indescribable.

I shook it off and stepped out the door, coming face to face with the scowling face of Edward Elric. I nodded at him and we took off.

One last thought was in my mind before I head off to my unbinding death.

_'Wait for me.'_

**So, there it is. I know that there are lots of fiction's out there that are like this, but please, review. I want to know how you all feel about this, and if I should write a second chapter, but in Scar's point of view, you know, before he...**Sobs** _died._**

**Phanny out!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Haha~! I got this done~! Woohoo! well, just continued on!**

**DISCLAIMER ; If I owned FMA, then i'd have Scar and Lust paired together, and then do a side-story on their life together!**

Scar POV

_'A man who inflicts suffering can not sleep, his guilty mind would not allow it. But now I can close my eyes to the living nightmare...brother'_

I looked at the earth from the ground, as I was laying here, finishing the incomplete transmutation. Finishing the symbol of chaos and hate, one made of blood and humans. The pain in losing both my arms was light feather touches compared to this, the decomposing of my body. My flesh being ripped from my body, my bones deteriorating and my eyes burning so fast that it was too slow for my liking.

I closed my eyes,staring into the desert one last time, the soldiers of Amestris crying out in shock, fear and pain. I smiled bitterly before I closed my eyes and my body was lifted into the heavens...

I opened my eyes...and instead of a heavenly gate in front of me, like the scripts once explained to me when I was a child, there was a large malformed door in a world of white. Two doors to be exact. The large eye carved into the wood was outlined with lines, almost like rays of sun.

Was this supposed to be heaven? If so, then I must say that I am disappointed.

I stared at the disfigured beings carved into the sides of the doors, their hands extended almost as if they were seeking sanctuary instead of hell. I snorted. I would except hell with open arms, as I was a sinner.

Then, the large imposing doors opened, and I watched with horrified fascination as the faces of men, women and children looked back at me, eyes a purple as the jewel, Amethyst.

_'So this is where she was born..'_

I looked away from the rage-filled, hysteric, ecstatic, sad, agonized eyes that belonged into this portal when I remembered _her _face. Her old one, the untainted one, the innocent one.

Such a lovely face, heart shaped and sweet. Full, juicy lips with dark russet skin covering her entire body. With long, curly hair that was like dark chocolate – she was one of the few with dark hair in his old country. Her kind red eyes that shone with love and adoration and never-ending kindness. It was hard to believe that someone that warm, kind and loving was taken away so soon...and re-born into something unearthly.

The pain hit my chest, clenching my heart where I stood. Her sweet smile became twisted and cruel. Her loving red eyes became fiery, vivid and a glaring fuchsia. Her soft, warm russet skin became pale as moonbeam and cold as ice. Her hair that was shiny, and a lovely shade of brown was now liquid onyx that fell like heavy silks down her shoulders and cascaded down her back.

She was no longer a woman from Ishbal, the place of my home, but a woman born of sin and iniquity. Of sexual deviancy and uncontrollable sexual desire. She is a woman born of the devils play and God's, praise thy Ishbala, detestation.

_'But none the less, she is beautiful'_

I growled angrily and crushed the thought down, trying hard to squish the feeling of warmth pulsing through my veins. Trying hard to stop the slight skip in my heart whenever I thought of that..._thing._

I closed my eyes, hissing when I felt small, but strong arms wrap around my body, pulling me forward. My first reaction was to recoil and fight, but I fought it, accepting my death. I opened my eyes and stared into the faces of men woman and children that were coming closer and closer. I was soon taken into a world of shadows, memories flashing before my eyes, most of them were of my brother's lover, and my heart clenched painfully. I wanted to look away, but the small hands held me in place, their strength inhumanly strong.

My eyes were forced open and then I heard her voice.

"_You loved me...didn't you?"_

My answer soon came, stung and angry...and filled with lies.

"_Not you...but her"_

I was watching my memories flash before my eyes like nothing I've ever seen before. Almost like a radio, and instead of just sounds, there was pictures, more specifically, my memories that flashed in front of my eyes. I snapped my eyes shut and instantly her face flashed behind my eyes, both of her faces.

The one she wore when she was alive, happy and loving. The one not meant for me, the one who was once for my brother, bless him.

The other face, the one who haunted my dreams was smiling at me in my fresh memories. Cruel and predatory. Her cat-like eyes watching my every move, her silky hair falling over her shoulder and fell slightly over her breast. Her fingers that looked delicate and yet her finger nails were a completely different story. They cut through every substance and carved immaculate designs in human flesh.

I sub-consciously brought my hand up to my chest that was draped with robes and touched my low shoulder where she inflicted scars onto my body. The alienated arms pushed my hand back down and constricted me tighter.

I remembered the feeling, the sensation. Cold, then hot, then the feeling of my skin spreading and blood spilling out, dripping down my body. I remembered the look on her face when she did. Cruel and pleased, as she was smiling like the devil.

Her red tattoo that was planted between her well-endowed breasts taunted me, as did her full, voluptuous lips. Dark with blackness, as was her soul, and yet...I was compelled.

_'What is it about that creature...no, that _sin _that draws me towards her?'_

She had no imperfections. When she ran, she did not sweat. When she moved too much or walked for too long, she did not tire out. When she did not sleep at night, she was not sleep-deprived.

She was..._perfect._ But that perfection was a sin, too taunting, to much of a mockery towards humanity.

Yes, that was what she was.

A mockery.

Whenever she moved, whenever she talked, or even looked at me, I saw the woman my brother proposed to, the woman whom I was so foolishly in love with. And then it melted away slowly when she spoke, her voice deeper, more sensual, predatory.

Her very existence was a mockery towards all of Ishbala's creations and masterpiece of the devils arts. She herself laughed at the face of divinity and all those divine. She mocked the female sex with her vain and curvy bodice, knowing that women looked at her with envy and jealousy.

She came to me one too many times in my dreams, taunting me, kissing my skins, biting my shoulders, pleasing me with her hands, her mouth, her body.

And it didn't stop there. Sometime during the short 6 years that she kept appearing before me, her dress black as midnight, and yet, in the light, was truly emerald-black. Her skin pale, cold, and perfect. Her body soft, voluptuous, and vain. Her eyes cat-like and devious, empty promises of pleasure and delight... She always manages to stop me, to make my heart clench to the point of pain and make my anger shoot up to the heavens.

I wanted to end her existence. To end her life, to send her soul to the depths of hell, more specifically, the circle of hell where she belonged, the circle of Lust in which she was born and made.

However, at the same time, I wanted to bed her. To touch that perfection and marr it with my bite-marks, to destroy it and love it at the same time. To hold those breasts, to have those long legs wrap around my waist, to have those lips pressed firmly against mine and no one else's. It was love, undoubtedly. It wasn't Lust, as her name stated.

As much as I hated her, detested her existence, and longed to marr her beauty and the painful resemblance between her and the other woman whom my brother loved...I could not stop myself from loving her.

It wasn't like the happy love my brother had, or my mother and father. No, it was far from that.

It was dark, cruel and unhappy. Almost depressing.

No, not depressing. It was far from that. In some odd way, I loved her. I loved her shattered soul, her broken spirit and incomplete being. And it wouldn't have lasted if I was with my brother's lover. She was too...innocent, to soft, to _kind._ While the other one, the one with the cat grin and devil eyes was...almost made for me. Almost like my brother wanted me to have her instead of the real deal.

She knew death and life. She knew the truth and the lies of humanity. She was not innocent in any sense, she was as dark and depraved as I was devoted to my God, Ishbala.

I tried hard to fight the small hands and arms that held me in steely grips, trying hard to free myself from watching this...

It was almost too painful.

"_I'll be waiting." _My voice echoed through out the vast white and shadowy world. I snapped my head up, remembering my promise. I growled angrily when the hands tightened around me.

_**'Foolish human..'**_ A voice echoed around me. I straightened up when I heard it. It wasn't human, nor was it from any homunculus. It echoed all around me, coming from above me, below me, beside me, behind me and in front of me. All of it was one voice, it was a million. It was male and it was female.

_**'What makes you think that you can wait here without my permission?'**_ It echoed out again, slightly irritated. I scowled slightly, not liking where this was going.

"I didn't know that I needed permission in purgatory." I said, trying hard to remove my arms from the steely grip, only for the small child's hands to grip at my arms to the point of burning cold pain.

_**'Smart human...stupid human, gullible, naive, young human...'**_It purred around me. I glared at the nothingness in front of me. Only one person, one being, on creature could speak to me like this, taunting and cruel. And...she...wasn't here right now.

_**'Awwwe, how adorable. The human and the artificial human?'**_ The voice was now mocking. I jerked my head in surprise. It could read minds?

_**'Of course. Now what do you offer for waiting here?'**_ It asked me, sly and oily. I wrinkled my nose in disgust. It felt as if I was making a deal with the devil.

"Nothing." I snapped, feeling my body tense when the small steely arms grip and pull at my arms painfully, leaving bruises on my spiritual body.

_**'Nothing?'**_ It asked, clearly amused. I stared directly in the mass off old souls and deformed faces to see the source of the voice. A large Amethyst eye.

_**'No state alchemist? No human? No homunculus?'**_ It asked me curiously, amusement in the large eye. I stared directly in front of me, glaring at it with all my might.

"I will wait for her, and then I will make my decision." I snapped at it, and I felt the smaller hands clench my body so hard that I almost cried out in pain...and then they slithered away, touching my body and caressing it before slipping back into the nothingness that which they came from.

_**'Interesting...very well.'**_ it said, looking at me, all of me. **_'When your other soul comes here, we shall talk of the price...Until then, human.'_** it said, and then I was pushed out in front of the doors, and flinched when it slammed shut.

I didn't know how long I waited. It could have been seconds, minutes, hours,days, weeks, months...maybe even years. I showed no signs of aging, my body no longer needed any human necessities, I did not cry, not laugh...I could do nothing...until she came here.

I was starting to lose hope...until I heard her voice.

_'Maybe you are right. Where did I come from, and where will I go when I die? Maybe all this time that is what I wanted: the freedom to find out.'_

I tensed, turning to my left to see that she was there, eyes unclear and her knee's were wobbling. It was then I saw it. A large ugly scar forming from her left collar bone that curved around her delicate neck. Old blood that was a dark red – almost brown, fell out of the scar and then turned to ashes, falling onto the ground, turning into nothing.

She blinked, her eyes coming into her focus and stared at me for what seemed like decades.

Then she walked towards me, her eyes staring deep inside me, baring my soul.

**Okay, I tried to keep it less mushy and all that. So I hoped you all enjoyed this. Oh! And as a side note, read the 'Alchemist Experiment's stories! they are effin amazing! Especially the LustxScar ones. **

**Well, this is it!**

**Phanny out!**


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